Thursday, February 11, 2010
This is an old post.. VERY VERY VERY old. But it seemed like just yesterday...
Yesterday, or was it the day before, or a month ago... or years ago.
It haunts me. Not only that. It leaves marks visible for everyone to see.
I always thought I'd never go anywhere. And I haven't, didn't and will not.
Because I know that was the period. Where the beginning of the end started.
When I lost myself.
Twas the night I found a pool. Black but translucent. I dipped my fingers into it and found it was warm.
Fascination. I let my tears dissolve in it. And slowly I entered it.
Addiction. It fascinates me in an indescribable way. How sickening.
Yet I refuse to let go.
For years and years... I've never told a soul about everything that happened. I can't.
It hurts.
T'was the night I died. When I realised after years and years that everyhing had changed and I could do nothing but blame myself.
WHO ELSE IS THERE TO BLAME??
And I cried until my heart couldn't take it. And I cried until I was out of breath. And I cried until my hands couldn't stop trembling.
Twas the night when I was having too much inside. Too much for me to take.
And I begged... I begged for it to go away. But it didn't.
I have changed. Let's face it. Life's a bitch. So am I.
Although I hate being one. I HATE getting you disappointed. I HATE getting you hurt.
I WANT to make you happy. But YOU want to make me happy. Ah, that is something which is already unattainable, my (dear). Because the dream is long gone.
Don't you understand? The only reason why I'm still living is because I have no choice but to accept.
And to survive, I force myself to feel it is right.
Even though it doesn't at all.
No, it doesn't.
Don't keep accepting.
That is what she tells me.
What a joke.
Yesterday I screamed. Because I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
The sun's getting cold and it's snowing.
It hurts that I can't remember sunlight.
11:07 AM; untitledBEAUTY | It's complete randomness.Y
